Code Geass, Lelouche of the Rebellion, Ep. 5

Well, episode 5 rolled around in Zero No Geass, and whacky harem hijinks ensue. Two new characters are introduced, and one returns. All female, and of course they’re good looking. Though one has inadequate communications skills, a second needs a personality other than “demanding bitch” and the third needs a brain donor, because she’s missing hers.

First off, it’s the appearance of Princess Bitch, a.k.a. Cornelia, who’s a pretty mean Knightmare pilot herself. She’s busy pwning the “fools to resist us” of Area 18, formerly known as Serbia. It’s unintentionally hilarious to see what Japan thinks Serbia looks like. Let’s just say “Saudi Arabia–with snow.” Try not to boggle too badly.

The things that were said include (paraphrasing): Natalie: “Is she your girlfriend?” CC.: “Our futures are intertwined.” Natalie: “Oh. That was sudden. So when’s the wedding?” Lulu: “Urk! We need to talk. NOW.”

Next, it’s the Return of the Green-Haired Girl, otherwise known by the initials “CC”. Must be a cross-over, if the Martian Successors droped off a few chulip crystals. She doesn’t seem to be wearing any oversized earrings… It’s hard to say what’s funnier; the things said, or the things not said. The latter include “Hey, arent’ you supposed to be DEAD? I mean, those were your brains splattered all over the warehouse floor back in episode 1, you know.”

So CC gets dragged off to Leluche’s room, where she proceeds to answer no questions, explain nothing, and channel Louise. In other words, she strips and hops into bed — and Lulu’s not invited. “Guys sleep on the floor.” Considering that it is Lulu’s room, that’s pretty… cheeky.

On the other hand, Suzuku is having a much better day. First he gets acquitted for the murder of Prince Clovis, and second, he has a beautiful woman land on him. Some guys have all the luck.

		Hi! I go by “Yuffie,” but of course I’m secretly a princess. I like to prove my brother Clovis was the brains of the family, by doing stupid things like jumping out of fourth floor windows with a rope that’s too short, hang out with the guy who was almost convicted of murdering my brother….
		… going to dangerous areas of the city, and slapping the shit out of homeys that dare to diss my monkey-boy. Isn’t he just too sexy for those sunglasses? My other stupid hobbies include running into the middle of a battle zone without so much as a helmet.

	My name is Lelouche, and I approve of this hemline.
	My name is Shirley, and I definitely do not approve! That hussy!

Meanwhile, having been kicked out of his own bed by CC Louise, Lulu’s hanging out in the quad when Karen shows up asking if it’s possible to trace that phone call she got in the shower. The memory of that scene (and CC casually cruising by) inspires him to put the moves on Karen. Of course this is witnesssed by Shirley, which brings the inevitable cooking contest that much closer to happening.

But as good as things are going for the assorted revolutionaries and teenagers, someone else (the Margreave Jeremiah) is haveing a really bad day. First he’s disappointed to find out that he’s not hot on the track of Zero after all. He’s even more disappointed to find out that his subordinates in the Purity faction, led by Sir Moisturizing Lotion, have decided to censure him (permanently and irrevocably) for letting the traitors go in the prior episode. Some guys do nothing but complain.

	“I’m going to kill you, traitor! The Purity faction must be kept pure. Besides which, we heard Princess Cornelia is going to be the new governor and we want to score points with her by killing you!”
	“I can’t permit that, Sir Curel, even if it costs me the discount on my next order of Fragrance-Free Continuous Comfort Moisturizing Lotion!”
	“Wow, thanks, Viletta! You’re such a swell gal!”

Of course, Jeremiah is saved, not just by Villetta, but by Suzuku showing up in the Lancelot, and doing a number on the opposition, while making idealistic speeches about how we all have to get along and fight the true enemy: intolerance and hatred.

“Nooooo! The Romans!”

“Oh yeah, them too.”

Cue the stupid princess, who runs into the middle of the battle in order to stop it, almost getting herself killed. Of course, Maxwell Smart Suzuku gallantly leaps in front of the Kaos Chaos Bomb, which strikes me as a really poor substitute for a good old-fashioned cluster munition. If New Brittania is supposed to be the United States in this alternate world, they must have run off all the good weapon designers.

Or put them to designing fancy swords for mecha. But now that the princess has put a stop to the fighting, and cat’s out of the bag with regards to her identity, Suzuku has to say his piece.

“Princess Euphenia! If I’d only known, i’d never have been so rude as to pinch your nose like–oh wait, wrong show. Nevermind. I’ll just pledge my undying loyalty to you, so that jerk Lelouche doesn’t get all the women in his harem.”

Please excuse any formatting weirdness you see here. See the comments for a fuller explanation.

But the last word should go to CC. “What do you mean you don’t want crumbs in the bed? I made you sleep on the floor, didn’t I?”