Though he never stated what it was (at least online, and that I’m aware of) Steven Den Beste made note that he was having health problems in his last few years, and that his medicine had side effects that he didn’t care for. But he needed it if he was to have the clarity to blog on anything more important than anime. I don’t have that problem, because there’s no medicine for a slow decline into senility.
I wish I were joking. At least it would only be tasteless. Yesterday I was faced with this evidence, however.
Yes, I’m winning less and less games, and my rating is dropping like a stone. The extreme right of the blue line (rating) is probably due to website issues. No, I’m not stupid enough to think that a single game, or several of them is proof of senility. Though I’ve been aware since my stroke that I’ve lost a step, mentally, and I feel it’s getting worse. Lot of “what was I doing..?” Forgetting names of people around me. Confusing things I should know. Squirrel-brains in games, too. The other one I play a lot is Conan Exiles. I die way to often for someone at max level, because I get trapped in the moment and forget to plan ahead.
But Wednesday… that was another thing entirely, and not about gaming.
At work, we were engaging in one of our favorite pastimes as long-term employees: speculating on which manager was going to be fired next for being a total putz. (Ah, cynicism in the bureaucracy, who’da thunk?) One of my co-workers made the comment that the boss wouldn’t be too hasty to fire the next candidate, because “she felt that she’d caved to the Director on X” And I drew a total blank. Who? After my inquiry
, he mentioned her position, and I still drew a blank. Mostly. I could vaguely remember that there’d been someone in her position, yet it wasn’t until I was typing this sentence out two days later that a memory/face surfaced. Look
, I worked with this person. I submitted documents to her for approval. I consulted with her. And for two days, she was a complete blank in my head. It’s not like we talked every day, but how many other people have I forgotten? I just agreed to get with a friend tomorrow to continue a saved game we were working on together. I realized when I found the savegame files that it was three years ago that we played it.
A lot of the reason I haven’t been keeping up this blog is how difficult it is for me to write now. I used to sit down at the keyboard, and the problem was not talking about every little detail. Now it’s trying not to get lost in them while actually coming up with something worthwhile to say about a show. To see beyond the surface to meanings and things not apparent. To give my readers some value, not just snarky observations. I look at my old articles… man. I actually found an old comment on Steven’s blog and was going “wow, this guy agrees with my thinking totally! It’s spot on, and he says it so well!” And then I got to the end, and guess whose name was on it? Yeah.
Greyduck blindsided me with what should have been an obvious catch; that the protagonists and plot of Bunny Senpai and Bakemonogatari are startlingly similar. The best I can do is some lame retell of Goblin Slayer’s philosophy in the second episode. I feel that there’s more to it, but it eludes me.
Is there a point to this meaningless whine? Not really. I’m holiday grumpy (as usual; it will improve sometime in late February), and I have time to kill. So did you, if you’re still reading this.
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