What’s in a name?

So, if anyone still stops by this blog, I thought I’d mention something I found today. Over at The Economist, it seems they don’t like the names picked for the new class of aircraft carrier.

THE purpose of the naming of military vessels is to inspire fear and awe in the adversary. It is not to suggest to the adversary that he needs to bone up on his American history (who was John Stennis?), nor to thrill him with memories of the disco era (where were you during the Ford years?). The inspired men who built the Royal Navy understood this simple fact, and they left us with the greatest names in the history of naval warfare. HMS Dreadnought. HMS Intrepid. HMS Terror. HMS Invincible. (Also HMS Partridge. Not sure what that was about.


Admittedly, the USS George McGovern does have a ring to it, and as a former bomber pilot who himself rained destruction upon America’s enemies, his pick has a certain logic. But the entire custom is flawed. An enemy looking upon an American ship of war should not be reminded of the droning speeches of American politicians. American warships should be named after universally recognisable, all-American cultural figures who embody limitless powers of destruction, put to the service of peace, justice, and the good of all mankind.

Suggested names for the next generation of American naval vessels:

USS Batman
USS Wolverine
USS Captain America
USS Storm
USS Mr Incredible
USS Invisible Woman
USS Hulk
USS Michael Jackson

I’m not even going to comment on that last one, except to point out that it should have a mottled paint scheme.

However, the real prize was in the comments, where it one idiot went off on a rampage about naming them after Evil Oil Companies, since they used so much to fuel these things.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Maybe he was talking about the jet fuel. I don’t know of any nuclear power plants that use oil to regulate the fission reaction, myself.

Also, while one reader pointed out Wolverine was from Canada, I don’t think anyone remembered Storm was from Africa. Duh. And technically, Superman was an illegal immigrant, so there.

Some of the reader suggestions were pretty cute:

* USS Loki
* USS Kali
* USS Cthulhu (A later reader pointed out this could only be a submarine)
* USS Eris
* USS Shiva

Star Wars Imperial names:
Implacable, Invidious, Virulence, Tyrant, Night Hammer, Iron Fist, Executor, Accuser, Razor’s Kiss, etc.

Contemporary Names:
* USS Stimulus
* USS Cash for Clunkers

Webcomic fun:
* USS Serial Peacemaker

Sponsor This:
* USS Coca-Cola
* USS Blockbuster
* USS Fleet Bank
* USS Ford (brought to you by Verizon)
* USS Red Lobster
* USS Arthur Treacher’s

Ok, enough of THAT silliness… what about animé-themed warships? We want to inspre fear and terror in the enemy, after all… So what’s your suggestions? Can you develop a theme for the names?

USS Nadesico
USS Kamina
USS Tsundere

Go crazy with it…

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4 Responses to What’s in a name?

  1. Don says:

    Off the top of my head —

    For fear and terror:
    USS Ifurita
    USS Noir
    USS Mononoke

    For sheer overwhelming power:
    USS Lina Inverse
    USS Shingu

    For fighting spirit:
    USS Miki Onimaru (and for something truly unconquerable, USS Miki’s Mom)
    USS Spoor (this would fit under “fear and terror,” too)
    While we’re at it, USS Lexshue and USS Lafiel, too

  2. Dr.Heinous says:

    I dunno, I never stop by here anymore.

    USS Super Multipurpose Underwater Battleship RA?

  3. Ubu Roi says:

    Don’t MAKE me ban you!

  4. Pingback: kitty-carroll.org » USS Susan Richards

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